Hybrids
Ah, the Hybrid…vehicle of choice in San Fran, Europe, and GAYSVILLE. Hybrids are seriously not cool. Stop listening to chic Hollywood assholes like George Clooney. Have you seen what kind of car George Clooney drives? A TANGO. Don’t know what a Tango is? Look at this piece of shit:
HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA. HAHAHAHAHAH. Oh man. I can fit both the profile and front view on one line. This car is truly a slap in the face to heterosexuality. Let’s be honest, this is really just a step up from that stupid car Fred Flintstone drove (except this one runs you over 100 grand). This thing fits one person and has trunk space for maybe three to four dildos (granted, the drivers of these cars are probably carrying BIG dildos).
Do you know what I drive? A thoroughbred American Jeep Grand Cherokee. I could probably fit five of these “Tangos” in my trunk. Imagine if my Jeep slammed head on into George Clooney’s Tango at 70mph (although Tangos probably have a top speed of 13-14 mph). I predict I would emerge from the crash unscathed while George Clooney would look something like this:
Which brings me to my next point: Men should only drive certain types of cars. SUVs (preferably American, but the Brits make some fine models. RAV4’s are NOT acceptable), Pickups, luxury sedans, or sports cars. SUVs and Pickups obviously rank supreme in manliness. What’s manlier than:
- An 80 dollar tank of gas
- Blowing through that 80 dollar tank of gas in one week
- Driving 2ft higher than other drivers
- Having cargo space to carry a small army
I really can’t think of an answer, but Clint Eastwood may come close. I know what’s NOT the answer: HYBRIDS, you smelly hippies.
1 year ago • 0 notes