How to Fight. On Ice. Part I.
Probably one of the toughest things I’ve ever done is one punching the goaltender of the Rochester Americans and hearing my own mother scold me above the jeers of drunken upstate New Yorkers.
So wheather you find yourself going toe to toe with Georges Laraque or taking exception to the deuschebag at public skate who thinks he’s a hockey player, I’m going to pass down the great wisdom of how to win a hockey fight as was bestowed upon me by one of the greatest fighters in the game, Nelson Burton.
Part I: Hockey Fight Etiquette
Before you drop the gloves there are a few tips and unspoken rules when squaring off.
Preparation: If you have a premeditated vendetta to settle and you know that you’re going to fight one of your openents, it doesn’t hurt to do a lil primping. First, secure the fighting strap on your jersey to your belt before the game or inbetween periods. It’s there for a reason. You don’t want to be one of those chumps who gets pummeled with his own shirt over his head. Second, spread vaseline on your face. It’s much easier to take a punch if knuckles glance off your greesy cheeks. Third, do NOT tape your fingers. This is very illegal and if you get caught you may be sitting out for much more than 5 minutes.
Dropping the gloves: Believe it or not there are rituals to going ape shit on ice. Before the punching begins, it’s always polite to ask, “Do you wanna go?” Sometimes when you’re lost for words, a lil’ tap on the back of the legs with your stick will get the same message across. When you drop your gloves and stick, make sure they end up someplace where you won’t trip over them. If you’re wearing a facemask, take your helmet off. Otherwise, you’ll look like a football player getting slapped around and that’s probably the most untough thing on earth. Also, right before you engage in combat, say something sporting and witty, like, “Pft. Good Luck.” Option: For tough guys feeling real tough, take you helmet off, place it on the ice, and spin it like a top. Then quickly knock the other guy senseless. As your getting escorted off the ice point to your helmet, which should still be spinning.
Nelson Burton holds records for most penalty minutes in a season in AHL and EHL. He played 8 games with the Washington Capitals in the NHL and earned 21 PIMS in those games. Legend has it that in his last fight he severely wounded a man when he punched though his oponent’s visor. Another reason why you should take your helmet off.
