July 2008
4 posts
How to Fight on Ice: Part II
Let’s review the ediquette steps from Part I:
Challenge your oponent to a duel of bare knuckled brawling.
Drop your stick and gloves and place them neatly in an non hazardous area.
Remove your helmet (optional)
Say something menacing like, “I’m going to bleed all over you.”
Now that you’re standing face to face with the enemy with naked fists burning with rage,...
Keepin' it Real (Real Southern)
The streetz of DC may be hard, but we are still an hour south of the Mason-Dixon Line. One may be cautious, but must never forget his manners. One must be a gentleman. A Southern Gentleman.
The Colonel is a prime example. He’s got it all; style, Southern belles, and a legendary chicken seasoning. In order to be a Southern Gentleman, one must first and foremost dress as a Southern...
“An armed society is a polite society. Manners are good when one may have to back...”
– Robert A. Heinlein
Street Tough: Surviving the Streetz of D.C. in...
Don’t know if you heard the news, but your very own Supreme Court of the United States has legalized handgun sales and possession in the District of Columbia and we’ve been shooting off our pistolas in celebration ever since. Given the already high crime rate and D.C.’s long history of violence, this district just became the tough capital of the free world. However, it’s...
June 2008
17 posts
WatchWho would win in a fight: Lucy Liu as Oren Ishi or Angelina as that chick who can curve bullets? Who gives a shit Machine Girl is here.
Tough Guy Competition
Tough Guy claims to be the world’s most demanding one day survival ordeal (second only to staring directly into Clint Eastwood’s eyes)
The original is organised in England by former British Army Officer Billy Wilson (Mr Mouse), who claims nobody has ever finished all the course according to his extremely demanding rules. Taking place at the end of January, Tough Guy consists of an...
“Spike Lee should shut his face.”
– Clint Eastwood
One Coffee. Black. Like My Heart.
“Pumpkin Spice Latte.” “White Chocolate Mocha.” “Mint Mocha Chip Frappuccino blended coffee with Chocolate Whipped Cream.”
What the fuck is up with the coffee industry? WHAT THE FUCK IS UP WITH MEN WHO ORDER THIS BULLSHIT?! You might as well order a coffee, with a side order of circle jerks. It was bad enough when men started putting...
How to Shave with a Straight Razor
There is nothing more masculine than shaving with an open blade that can lop your head right off. I myself trim the whiskers with nothing less than a 10 inch katana blade. For those men of men looking for a badass way to keep that adam’s apple ungrizzled, follow these steps for shaving with an open straight razor:
Step 1: Lather.
What the fuck is lather? I like my shave how I like my...
The King.
Every time I crack open an ice cold Budweiser, my American heart beats one extra for Uncle Sam. When I try to brainstorm the most American companies, some cliches come to mind, like Coca Cola, McDonalds, and Nike. While these corporations are more recognized around the world, no company beats out Anheuser-Busch in patriotism.
The company’s story is the definition of the American Dream....
A Giant Among Men
Andre the Giant: Professional wrestler, talented athlete, legendary alcoholic (and apparently mad-hetero pimp from the pic below).
If I could get drunk with any man from the history books, it would be Andre (as long as I didn’t have to pick up the tab). Throughout the internets, numerous stories exist describing his insatiable appetite for the sauce.
Let’s start with the...
WatchComing of Age Tough.
“You see, in this world there’s two kinds of people, my friend: Those with...”
– Clint Eastwood; The Good, the Bad and the Ugly
Hybrids
Ah, the Hybrid…vehicle of choice in San Fran, Europe, and GAYSVILLE. Hybrids are seriously not cool. Stop listening to chic Hollywood assholes like George Clooney. Have you seen what kind of car George Clooney drives? A TANGO. Don’t know what a Tango is? Look at this piece of shit:
HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA. HAHAHAHAHAH. Oh man. I can fit both the profile and front view...
“Alright, I’m coming out. Any man I see out there, I’m gonna shoot...”
– Clint Eastwood, Unforgiven
Street Tough: How to Survive on the Streetz
The streets can be a rough place. Here’s some pointers on how to defend yourself during the common mugging or beatdown.
The name of the game in street defence is distance. Your main priority when invloved in a street confrontation is to avoid your attacker’s reach as much as possible. Obviously, the easiest way to do this is to run. However, if you’re not Tony Jaa, you may need...
Ennio Morricone has made the most badass...
How to Fight. On Ice. Part I.
Probably one of the toughest things I’ve ever done is one punching the goaltender of the Rochester Americans and hearing my own mother scold me above the jeers of drunken upstate New Yorkers.
So wheather you find yourself going toe to toe with Georges Laraque or taking exception to the deuschebag at public skate who thinks he’s a hockey player, I’m going to pass down the great...
Red Meat
Nothing’s more tough than eating red meat, RAW. I highly question any man’s sexuality (and gender) if he orders a steak cooked more than Medium Rare. When people in San Fransisco aren’t busy driving their “hybrids” and “having gay sex,” they are most likely ordering a steak cooked well done (if they still are cool enough to eat red meat). The ideal...
May 2008
4 posts
Too Tough. →
